Update #12: The Way It Is

Dear Reader,

It is my hope that this message finds you doing well, and feeling able to imagine how sincerely I mean that. I am not sure I could mean it more, to be frank. For reasons I will unfold within the contents of this message, I have recently been reminded of just how precious every moment we have together on this planet is. Not just because of that, I send you my warmest greetings.
Being that I have the luxury of time, I thought I would ask you to take a moment and consider where you are and what you’re doing right now. How are you? How are you feeling? This really would be a good opportunity, Reader, to look away from the screen, take a deep breath, and be honest.
Actually, I will answer those questions I have asked you for myself here on this page: I am relieved, firstly, that I finally have a chance to sit and reflect on all that has happened in the last month. Secondly, I feel small. Small in the sense that I am aware that there are things in this life much larger than I can imagine, more complex than I can solve – and how at times the knowledge that I am not in control of anything beyond myself is liberating, a release. I admit that at times, we just have to sit down, write it down, and magically the universe seems to conspire to start playing that classic Lucky Dube song I like so much. (Prisoner, great song!)
I also feel, and strongly, that to wait another minute to treat myself to that square of 72% cocoa dark chocolate that arrived recently from my handsome, witty, and beautiful family would be at best unjust. (I promised myself hours ago)
[Did I mention that my family is a family of truly inspired individuals? Real genuine loving people? Amazing examples of human generosity? Stunning leadership and admirable affection? Paragons of virtue and humility?]
Anyways, I think it’s about time that I told just what is going on with me here in
Mozambique. Believe it or not (I dare you), in just four days I will be marking off my third month living “at site”, and approaching my sixth month in this amazing country. I am going to refrain from making sweeping generalizations about life here, I think, and focus on telling you just what I am doing, thinking, feeling, and subsequently doing about those first three.
February was a challenging month. I wonder now if that’s why of all the months it’s the one with fewer days… a few more days of that month would perhaps have been problematic for me (not to mention the Roman Calendar). Not to say it was a bad month, because I’ve already said that I wasn’t going to be making any sweeping generalizations, but I will admit that I have been tested. [the optimist in me is saying “but without getting tested, how will you know the results?” and the realist is saying “just write what happened and look for silver lining at the end of the email, because that’s a much better place to sum things up - having learned important lessons and being ready to move forward”]
Right. Well whether I like it or not, I am thinking that diving head-first into some of the events that have shaped this past month seems to be the most effective way of giving you an overall idea of what has been going on. Good and bad alike, here goes:
· I officially moved into my house. It was a relief to have room to move (pun intended) and it was enjoyable experiencing the simple pleasure of having no idea what to fill it with and being shocked at the realization that I really was starting from scratch. [As I write there is one chair in this sizeable house, and I have borrowed it from work. Why do I get satisfaction from that? There is something wrong with me.] With some thrifty budgeting I have managed to get some carpenters working on basic furniture, and now even have a compost bin!
· A dear friend of my parents, and someone who had become a family friend over many years died suddenly. An internet blog is not the place for anything more than my saying that his passing has filled me with grief and renewed reverence for the absurd nature of human life. I am thinking about him daily.
· Unfortunately, the same evening I was to hear about this above loss, I also learned that a very old friend of mine also lost someone.
· I got to participate in a planning meeting with the Department of Agriculture (where I am working), in which I found out that the new Director is including in his proposal a training for all Agricultural Extension workers in the area of HIV and AIDS… which is phenomenal due to the wide reach of the extensionists into the farming communities. It makes me feel like issues I am trying to keep on the table are indeed being considered.
· I had a chance to call my brother and sister-in-law in Peru. Hearing their voices briefly was uplifting, and reminded me of just why I wanted to commit my time, energy, and soul to this experience. I couldn’t be more proud of them. Their blog, is you want to compare Volunteer experiences, is http://theadventuresofbenjaminandlibby.blogspot.com/ . They have photos, whereas I have been unsuccessful at uploading from Internet cafés here.
· I was in Chimoio for another meeting, which was quite interesting and helpful to me in learning more about just how we can better run this program and how we can successfully let it grow. [Not to mention the fact that it also meant eating cheese, which we do not have where I am living – for lack of electricity and refrigeration… hey, simple pleasures right?!]
· I received an unbelievable gift from my family (per chocolate high earlier in this message), and the videos of my niece in particular made me a prouder uncle still, though many thought it was impossible.
· I met some local musicians! I have practiced with them a number of times… and here is the best part: not only is there a functioning keyboard in my community, but a drumset as well!!! This familiar and newfound source of joy and expression for me could not have been more needed and found at a better time. I am busy a few nights a week when I have the time learning new music, smiling broadly, and teaching a few things about music that I know and can barely grind into Portuguese.
· A cyclone hit the coast of Mozambique at a category 4 strength. That, I have learned, is more or less equal to the strength of our own Hurricane Katrina. It devastated many communities, and for the first time I can begin to imagine what that really means for the people there. It was quite far from where I live that this all took place.
· The region where I am living was hit hard by flooding in the Zambezi river valley. This was perhaps the backdrop of my month, the theater set within which all other events entered and exited. Many thousands of people were forced to leave their homes and watch their fields quickly get destroyed. I had a chance to ride my bicycle to a resettling camp, and was confronted with just what it means when people with severely limited resources and choices are victims of a flood (or other disaster). I have never before understood just what exactly it means, and now I have the image of that reality in my memory forever. Where I am living was unaffected by the flood waters.

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I am not sure, Reader, if it was my original intention to unload a laundry list of
my experiences over the last month in this message, but in a way I am glad to have it all out there for your consideration. I am having to spend time of late making sure I remember just how lucky I am to be here and just how brave each of us are for getting up in the morning, every single one of us, and striving to answer the questions we have no choice as humans but to ask. Though at times sad and weighed down, I will not conceal that there yet burns inside me a hope that drives me to keep working and to never give up.
I encourage you, Reader, to look inward. I will also be reflecting, learning, and trying to heed the life advice of comedian Martin Lawrence:
“You’ve got to ride this motha$#%&@ till the wheels fall Off.”
Please please please take care of yourself and those around you. Know that I am truly in my element, and despite being able to choose otherwise, would rather be nowhere else.

PEACE (of mind)

Kevin

Ps. Thanks to the music of Lucky Dube, Bob Marley, Wynton Marsalis, Luther Allison, Kirk Franklin, the Beatles, U2, and friend Dan Masterson for inspiration this month.

Update #11: Written in Early February

Dear Reader,

I’m not sure that this is going to be an especially long message, as I have only some time in this internet café in Chimoio (“Shih-moi-ooo”), located in eastern central Mozambique. I suppose that it’s pertinent to tell you, however, that I am happy to have a moment to share what my life has been like recently with you. No doubt it is one of the most important things I could be doing right now.
What brings me to this low-key city relatively near the Zimbabwe border? Well I have spent the last two days at all-day meetings with the organization I am working with. The meetings have been focused on trying to clarify some of the goals of the program we are running and try to coordinate the rapid growth in the number of sites we are working in. [I’m sure I would I would love to write here that I play an integral part in these talks, but the truth is that I am deeply committed to observation before action, and am simply trying to know who’s involved where so that I can start taking the tiny local steps a volunteer in my position can take to support people who are running the program.]
As I don’t have much time, I’ll cut right to the chase: I learned an unbelievable amount of information in the last two days. I got to meet people involved on all the different levels of the organization, and began to see where someone like me can fit in. It was quite challenging at times to wrap my brain around a program 3 years old and expanding quickly (and all spoken in Portuguese), but I have come away from the meetings with a much clearer vision of where we are and where we are trying to go. How exciting!
I won’t deceive you though, Reader. The last two days were very challenging. It was the first reality check for me in terms of where we stand and just how much work has to be done to get to where it’s envisioned that we’ll go. For example, our program is doubling in size this year – and there are still some major organizational issues still being hammered out… which is frightening in the face of such massive changes.
On the other hand, it is indeed so much better to see laid out before us the path we need to climb instead of being unsure what the next step is, at the very least. I am happy to report, I guess I am saying, that I feel I have been placed into a situation where I can give needed support to a program that is truly worthwhile.
I know it’s worthwhile Reader, because I had the chance to visit some of the schools that the Junior Farmer Field and Life Schools run for what are being called “Orphans and Vulnerable Children” between the ages of 12 and 17. These programs are teaching agriculture techniques and other life skills to youth who sometimes have no source for such information and support. Last week, for example, I got a chance to visit a few schools and see the participants in action. Many were knowledgeable about the plants they were growing and excited to present what they’d learn. Straight up, Reader, I cannot say with any certainty that without a program such as this they would be getting consistent solid meals and companionship. [Actually, they were singing and dancing. I also was given a chance to talk with a few groups. How can I express what it’s like to teach a group of 50 young teens how to give themselves a hug? I’m shaking my head in disbelief now, thinking as I write just what an opportunity I’ve had indeed. Incredible.]
Well, work is quite time consuming these days. When I am not in meetings I am trying to ingest as much information about this program as possible. That involves reading, listening, and asking lots and lots of questions! It’s funny how quickly we slip back into being students. A Catholic priest I was speaking with not long ago said it this way: “Andar tambêm é escola” (Walking is also school). I take this to mean, of course, that we are students, whether inside or outside a classroom. I realize, Reader, that you may already know this.
A bit of good news: I am not far from having a house to live in! It has been an extra pressure to not have a place be settled, no doubt, but that time will end probably this coming week. I will be moving my belongings in and starting the hilarious task of furnishing a house on a shoestring budget. The task is just silly enough for me to get really excited about. (i.e. making my own chairs, special hiding places… secret passage-ways?!)
A bit more good news: Despite the roller-coaster nature of this experience (highs that are very high, lows that seem suspiciously low), today especially I am doing wonderfully. I am feeling this way because of many small successes, and knowing myself well enough to know how to take care of myself when things get tough. I can’t stress how key this has been. Also though, I have received a few wonderful phone calls and letters of late that have come at crucial moments. I can’t say how fulfilling it is to know that I don’t have to sacrifice the entirety of my dearest relationships in order to be doing the things I truly believe in. The support has been, well, essential.
A final bit more good news: I sit here in Mozambique thinking about just how strongly I hope that you are doing well. I hope that you can find small things to be happy about, and appreciate the challenges we each face. I hope that when you walk out the front door, millions of unseen atoms are sent careening outward as you set out to ply your way through towards accomplishing the task at hand.
Please know that I am well, working hard, and smiling, right now.

PEACE (of mind)

Kevin


(written 02/02/2007)

ps. I am healthy and doing well, though challenged by events in my district such as flooding and its longer-term effects. Please know I am ok, and hoping to post another update with more information and perspective as soon as I am able. I hope you are well!